Lucas. Think of that name. Lucas, the blacksmith. A man, at the height of his youth, rippling muscles all down his chest, wiping his forehead with the shirt that he has just removed. He raises his hammer once again, preparing to forge this gold bar into proportion. His biceps engage as he brings the hammer down, striking the gold, producing sparks, adding to the heat of the blacksmith he works in. In the corner of the shop sits a lady. Jade, her name is. She stares longingly at him, considering his body. Hotter than Hades, she declares. Her eyes wander, taking in every inch of him, before she is interrupted by the sound of footsteps. In walks Princess Claire, her faithful assistant by her side, Andrew.
“Blacksmith! Come and kneel at once!” she shouts.
“At once, my lady.” Lucas responds, setting the hammer down. He proceeds to the entrance, passing by his lovely wife Cayleigh, who hands him a glass of water. The two smile at each other, then Lucas continues to the front, where he kneels down.
Princess Claire eyes him. “I believe the King had requested a finely crafted gold bar from you?”
“Ah, of course!” Lucas says as he rushes to the back of his shop to retrieve it.
Inside, Jade has moved to the anvil. She is slowly stroking the gold bar, thinking of how soft it is. She looks at the furnace, blasting heat from its coals. Then she strokes the anvil, thinking of how hard, solid and unforgiving it is. Her eyes move upwards as the thought hits her: The only thing hotter than the furnace, and harder than the anvil must be… Lucas’s abs. She picks up the gold bar and imagines the wedding ring she wishes he would present to her. “Yes, Lucas. Yes, I’ll marry you!”
“What?” Lucas asks as he walks into the room.
Jade freaks out and throws the gold bar at him. It hits him in the stomach and the breath explodes out of his lungs as he drops to the ground. The gold bar clatters to the ground. Cayleigh rushes into the room. Jade looks at her, than back at Lucas, then at the gold bar. There is a perfect imprint of a chiseled 6-pack on the face of the soft metal. Lucas is gasping for breath, Cayleigh holding his head in her lap asking over and over again: “Are you OK?”
When Lucas doesn’t respond, she calls out “Help! Someone help! Call the doctors!”
Andrew rushes into the room, holding out his IPhone.
Cayleigh shrieks “Call 911!”
Andrew stares at his phone screen. “I don’t know the phone number!”
The phone buzzes. Andrew continues “Oh no! The gold bar was supposed to be delivered 5 minutes ago! Princess Claire cannot be left waiting!”
He grabs the gold bar and rushes out of the room. Cayleigh follows him, begging him to call 911.
Jade, meanwhile, had her phone out, and snapped a picture of the golden 6-pack bar. She stares at it longingly, before Cayleigh returns, snatching the phone from her and calling the first person on the list.
“Hello?” The voice of Ziyana can be clearly heard.
“Please call a doctor! my husband is a lot of pain! I think he’s dying!” Cayleigh screeches.
“Don’t worry, I’m a trained doctor, where are you?” Ziyana says.
“Anvil’s Blacksmith!”
“I’ll be right over! Now you, patient! Move your chest to the right! i don’t want another broken window!”
Cayleigh hangs up and throws the phone at Jade who is rising to her feet.
“Did… Did you just call Lucas your husband?” Jade demands.
Cayleigh nods. “We’ve been married for 2 years now!”
Jade growls. “Back. Off. My. Man.”
“What? He’s my husband, you creepy little girl,” Cayleigh shouted “Now get out of my shop!”
“You get out! His abs are hotter than you could possibly appreciate!”
“His abs aren’t the only reason I married him! He’s an amazing person!”
“I’m sure you’d know. Back off!”
Jade lunges at Cayleigh, grabbing her ponytail and yanking it. Cayleigh yells in pain. “What was that for!”
Jade refuses to respond, slapping Cayleigh instead. Cayleigh pushes Jade over and the two begin fighting on the ground, rolling over, scratching, clawing, biting. Ziyana walks in and is startled by two sights: The girls fighting and Lucas’s abs.
“Damnnn…” she whispers under her breath, before yelling over the two girls, “Do you mind? I have a patient back at home with a severe case of double D’s! Tell me what the problem is!”
The girls go on fighting, ignoring her. Ziyana kneels over Lucas and prepares an inspection of his abs. “Hmm… Bruising… Unconscious patient. Probably knocked unconscious by lack of oxygen, severe winding.” She grabs Lucas by the legs and drags him outside, where she can take him by horse to the clinic. Princess Claire is standing there with two police officers. The officers look up as Ziyana exits and rush over to her.
“Disposing the body, I see…” Gavin mutters.
Ziyana is startled. “What? No! This patient requires immediate medical attention! Get out of my way!”
Meanwhile, Officer Arsal has walked into the Blacksmiths and comes out, dragging the two girls along, still fighting.
Arsal slaps handcuffs on them both. “Tell it to the judge, ladies…” He bundles them into the back of the police horse trolley and prepares to leave.
“Wait!” Gavin calls, dragging the unconscious body of Lucas with him, Ziyana following. He adds them to the cart, and sits on the other horse. The two depart.
“Andrew!” Princess Claire yells. “Get me my cart now!”
About a minute later, Andrew returns with the cart, and the two follow the officers.
—————————–
The Judge looked over the four people. One doctor, one blacksmith, and two citizens. She adjusts her robe and begins to speak.
“Who have you brought before me, officers?”
Officer Arsal speaks up “Well, your honor…”
He recounts the story as he knows it.
Judge Sunvy looks down at him. “Very well… Doctor Ziyana, you are released without charge. As for the others, I will need the help of a special asset. Get the Priestess!”
The crowd, full of high school students alike, watch as a side door opens and a girl in long, flowing white robes surrounding her (Gorgeous!?) body. In one hand she grips a cross, the other, a book of prayers. At the back of the crowd, Princess Claire arrives.
Judge Sunvy speaks “Priestess Grace. We need your help to to sort out this matter. Will you plead the heavens for help in sorting out these three?”
“Of course, your honor.” Grace kneels down, muttering prayers and calls for help.
There is a sudden crack, the sky itself appears to be splitting in half, the clouds, sky and sun all rush away to make way for this new, outerworldly being to enter. The face of none other than God Hunni appears.
“My lord, my lord, my lord! We have sent out the most humble of requests for you to assist us in our time of need! These three are presented before you, none of them can be sorted out! We beg for your assistance!” Grace preaches.
As God Hunni opens her mouth, her voice emanates from everywhere at once. “What do you have to say for yourselves, you three!”
Cayleigh springs to her feet. “God Hunni! I was but defending my gentle husband!”
Jade springs to her feet. “God Hunni! I was but admiring his gentle abs!”
Lucas remained unconscious.
God Hunni nodded, slowly. “You, girls. You may be released, for having valid reasons for this squabble. Have Lucas be executed! He refuses to speak to his own god? How dare he! Kill him at once!”
God Hunni’s face receded and the sky slammed shut. Cayleigh and Jade were released, and Lucas was prepared for execution.
Away from prying ears, God Hunni muttered to herself “Can’t wait for those abs to be in heaven with me…”
Lucas was pushed into a standing position, and tied with ropes so he would remain that way.
Cayleigh cried out loud, over and over again, “No! Don’t do this! I love Lucas! He’s been the only one to ever understand me, to ever love me, don’t take him away from me!
Jade cried out loud, over and over again, “Turn him around, dammit! I need another picture of his abs! Don’t take them away from me!”
Neither were listened to, but Lucas stirred and woke up slowly. “What’s going on?”
Princess Claire, striding up to him, stared him in the eyes. “You are being executed for ignoring God Hunni for not speaking when being spoken to. Begone, wretch”
Lucas’s eyes widened. Claire deftly strode forward and plunged a dagger into his heart. Lucas gasped for breath, panting slowly and the life dripped out of him. The moan of a lost love can be heard from Cayleigh, and the moan of lost sexual desires can be heard from Jade. Princess Claire steps back, grinning, laughing, and eventually calling out “Red – hot!”
Lucas gasped his final breath, unmoving. Princess Claire held out her hand. Andrew rushed over and planted the gold bar in her hands. She placed them on his abs and muttered “A perfect fit.”
Cayleigh sobbed “My love! My only love! Lucas…”
Jade sobbed “His abs! The greatest abs! Lucas…”
God Hunni grinned. Those abs were hers now.